I knew it after this movie...

Movies are my favorite pastime.  Apart from entertainment they have shown me the different worlds.  It has shown me people, places, cultures, lifestyle and more. These are things that I wouldn’t have known if not for the movies. Might sound like an over exaggeration, but then you got to read through to understand what I mean.

Indian Motorcycle

When I first saw the title “The world’s fastest Indian”, I didn’t have the slightest clue that Indian could mean a motorcycle! Moreover I did have a huge fascination for cruiser bikes but some how never came across it. The only motorcycle that I knew to be iconic was the Harley Davidson. But the truth is, the Indian is considered more exclusive and costlier than the Harley’s! We wouldn’t get to completely understand its grace. Probably it’s the Americans who knew the Indian better!

Wine Tasting

Sideways is a must watch for wine lovers. If you aren’t one, you could still get to see the magic and passion in a glass of wine. I believe that only the French have a real taste for it since its been a part of their lifestyle for ages. And for the rest (most) of us, we never knew that tasting wine was such an art; People look for color, smell and a lot more before they make a choice. There are a numerous other ways of tasting wine and seeing how they do it could drive us nuts. But it really is a huge business by itself. A lot of wine evaluators have made a fortune out of it. Though not my cup of tea (wine), to my content I would wish to taste a Bordeaux some time :)

Frog rain

The screenplay of Magnolia had to loosely connect a lot of smaller plots. Not an easy task but was done with great excellence. Everything was fine until this scene of frog rain that came in. I was wondering like the rest of the audience,  what went wrong with the director here!! I later went on to dig about it and found that it has happened a lot many times in our human history! A lot of possible reasons were given and the most convincing to me  was this... Its a tornado that picks up frogs and other smaller objects from a lake and drops it over a distant place.

Travelling Twins

Contact is my favorite Sci-Fi film to date, an adaptation from a book of the same name. The story revolves around a scientist who is curious to reach out and make contact with Extra Terrestrial life. And there is this particular scene where Jodie Foster talks to her friend before she makes her travel on the space ship. Interestingly they talk about the relativity of time. By then I understood how bad I was in my Science basics! It goes some thing like this, as Jodie makes her trip at a speed close to that of light, what seems like a few days on the space ship would relatively be years on earth.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/einstein/hotsciencetwin/

Monty Hall Problem

Life is full of chances and we tend to pick one over the other without a rational mind. But there is a time when we need some logic for our actions; at least that’s what the sensible do. There is a scene from the movie 21 about the famous Monty hall problem. It took a little time to understand the concept of Variable change but then the fundamentals seem quite clear though it expands to a lot of other areas to compute the odds of an event. It kindles your interest towards Math, on the contrary it just did a little for me coz I’m the kind who fears Math... even more than science :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXqDIFUB7YU

படித்ததில் பிடித்தது - நான் வீழ்வேனென்று நினைத்தாயோ?

தேடிச் சோறுநிதந் தின்று - பல சின்னஞ் சிறுகதைகள் பேசி -
மனம் வாடித் துன்பமிக உழன்று - பிறர் வாடப்பலசெயல்கள் செய்து -
நரை கூடிக் கிழப்பருவ மெய்தி - கொடுங்கூற்றுக் கிரையெனப்பின் மாயும் -
பல வேடிக்கை மனிதரைப் போலே - நான் வீழ்வேனென்று நினைத் தாயோ?

நின்னைச் சில வரங்கள் கேட்பேன் - அவைநேரே இன்றெனக்குத் தருவாய் -
என்றன் முன்னைத் தீயவினைப் பயன்கள் - இன்னும் மூளாதழிந்திடுதல் வேண்டும் -
இனி என்னைப் புதிய உயிராக்கி - எனக்கேதுங்கவலையறச் செய்து -
மதிதன்னை மிகத் தெளிவு செய்து - என்றும் சந்தோஷங்கொண்டிருக்கச் செய்வாய்!

 - சுப்பிரமணிய பாரதி

அம்மா

ஓர் அதிகாலை வேலை, தீக்கிரயக்கிய உடலுடன் என் தாய் ஆஸ்பத்திரி கட்டிலில் துடித்து கொண்டிருந்தாள். அறையிலும், வெராண்டாவிலும் யாரும் இல்லை.  எங்கும் நிசப்த்தமாய் இருக்க, வலுவற்ற நிலையில் என்னை கை அசைத்து அழைத்தாள். மெதுவாய் அவள் அருகே சென்றேன்.  தாங்க முடியாத வலியின் வேதனையை அவள் முகத்தில் உணர முடிந்தது. நான் படுத்து உறங்கிய மடியின் மேல் தோல் கருகி, இரத்த கலரியாய் கிடந்தது. ஏதோ சொல்லி என்னை ஆசுவாச படுத்த முயற்ச்சித்தாள். எனக்கு அப்போது பண்ணிரண்டு வயது, அவள் மன ஒட்டத்தை முழுதாய் அறிந்து கொள்ள முடியவில்லை. தான் இந்த கட்டத்தை விட்டு மீளப்போவதில்லை என்பதை எப்படியோ அறிந்திருந்தாள். தன் கடமையை பாதியில் முடித்துக்கொள்ளவும் துணிந்துதுவிட்டாள். அப்பா, அக்கா, நான் என மூவரும் செய்வதற்க்கறியா திக்கற்ற நிலையில் நின்றோம்.

மாமா வந்துவிட்டார். என்னால் மீன்டும் சுவாசிக்க முடிந்தது. அது வரையில் இருந்த பீதி சற்றே விலகியது. பிரச்சனைகளின் போது அவரின் வருகை எவ்வளவு முக்கியம் என்று அவர் நினைத்தாரோ தெரியவில்லை… ஆனால் அதை விட பல மடங்கு அதிகமாய் எங்கள் மனம் அதை வேண்டிக்கொண்டிருக்கும். அம்மாவின் உடல் நிலை என்றுமே ஒர் நிலையில் இருந்ததில்லை. பல முறை மயங்கிவிழுவாள், மூச்சு விட முடியமல் திணறுவாள், இதற்கெல்லாம் மேல் அப்பாவுடன் அவ்வப்போது சண்டை வேறு! எல்லா சமையங்களிலும் மாமாவின் உந்துதல் எங்களுக்கு தேவைப்பட்டிருக்கிறது. ஒவ்வொரு முறையும் தன் வேலையை விட்டு வந்து நிற்பதற்க்கு, சகோதரி பாசம் மட்டுமே காரணமாய் இருந்திருக்க முடியாது.

மனிதாபிமானம் என்பது கடைச்சரக்காகி போன இக்காலத்தில், எதையுமே எதிர்ப்பார்த்தே கொடுப்பதை பற்றி யோசிக்கும் உலகமிது. இதில் எந்த ஒரு நிலைமையிலும் கடமையை ஆற்றும் மனநிலையை எனக்கு வாழ்ந்து காட்டினார். கூட பிறந்த ஆறு சகோதரிகளையும் திருப்தி படுத்த அவர் ப்ரஹ்மப்ரய்த்தனை செய்ய வேண்டியிருக்கும். சலிக்காமல் செய்தும் ஏதேனும் ஒரு குறை கூறுவர்...என் அம்மா உட்பட!! குடும்பத்தில் திருமணம், வலைகாப்பு, குழந்தை பிறத்தல் , மஞ்சள் நீர், கிரஹப்ரவேஸம் என ஏதற்க்கும் அவரை விட்டு வைத்ததில்லை. ஆனாள் சுகமான சுமைகள் ஏன அணைத்துக்கும் முன் நின்றார். உறவுகளின் பெருமை அறிந்து, காலம் முழுக்க இப்படியே வாழ அவருக்கு எழுதி வைக்கப்பட்டிருக்கிறது போலும்.

அம்மா எனக்கு சோறூட்டினாள், பாடம் சொல்லித்தந்தாள், தூங்க வைத்தாள், அறவனைத்தாள், எனக்காக கண்ணீர் விட்டாள். இவை அத்தனைக்கும் சேர்த்து எந்த ஒரு ப்ரதி உபகாரமும் செய்ய முடியா வயதில் என்னை தனியே விட்டு உயிர் நீத்தாள். இப்பொது இரத்தமும் சதையுமாய் என் கண்ணில் நின்ற என் தாயை இடுகாட்டில் கிடத்தி தீ வைத்தேன். சடங்கு முடிந்து வீட்டுக்கு வந்ததும் எனக்கு இருந்த வெருமை என் வாழ்வில் வேறெப்போதும் உணர்ந்ததில்லை . இனி வாழ்க்கை பழைய படி இருக்கதென்பது மட்டும் புரிந்தது. என் பண்ணிரண்டு வயதில் என் பால காண்டம் முடிவுற்றது.

அம்மா இறந்த ஒரே ஆண்டிற்குள் அப்பா மருமணம் செய்தார். அக்காவும் நானும் ஒப்புதல் தராதது ஒரு பெரிய பொருட்டாய்  தெரியவில்லை. அம்மாவின் நிலையில் வேறொருவரை காண சொல்லி திணித்தார்கள். என் பிடிவாதத்தின் உச்சத்தையும் காட்ட நேர்ந்தது.  இத்தனைக்கும் அவர்களுடன் இருந்த கொஞ்ச நாட்களில் சித்தி கொடுமை ஏதும் கூட அரங்கேறவில்லை. என் மேல் எவ்வளவு கரிசனை காட்டியும் ஏனோ என் மூலைக்குள் அது இறங்கவில்லை. ஒர் இழப்பு என் நெஞ்சை கல்லாக்கியிருந்தது. என்னுடைய வீடு என்னதாக தோன்றவில்லை. அம்மா இல்லாத பிள்ளை என பரிவு காட்டிய சொந்தங்கள் யாரும் அறவணைத்துக்கொள்ள தயாராயில்லை, மாமாவை தவிர! அதற்காக யாரையும் நான் குறை கூறவுமில்லை. அவரவர்களின் வாழ்க்கை நிலை அப்படி. விதி விலக்காய் வாழும் இவரை பொதுப்படை உதாரணமாக்குவது நியாயம் இல்லை தான். ஏதோ ஒரு பேரு பெற்று, என் வாழ்வின் இரண்டாம் அத்தியாயம் மாமாவின் வீட்டில் தொடங்கிற்று.

எல்லோரும் போல் எனக்கும் ஒர் குடும்ப சூழ்நிலை கிடைக்கவில்லை. ஒரு வேலை அப்பா, அம்மா, அக்காவின் சுற்றத்திலேயே வளர்ந்திருந்தாள் நான் வேரொருவனாக வார்க்க பட்டிருப்பேனோ என்று எண்ணியதுண்டு. நண்பர்கள் வீட்டில் அதை பார்க்கும்போது மட்டும், சில நொடிகள் அந்த எண்ணம் மேலெழும். ஆனால் எந்தவொரு குறையும் தெரியாமலேயே தான் வளர்ந்தேன். அம்மாவின் நிலையில் அக்காவும் மாமியும் இருந்து, பல நேரங்களில் பித்து பிடித்த என்னை மனிதனாய் மாற்றி இருக்கிறார்கள். நான் செய்த பிழைகளை நெலிவு சுளிவடன் உணர்த்த அவசியம் இல்லாத போதும், என் மனம் நோகவிட்டதில்லை!  எதை இழந்தேன் என தெரியவில்லை ஆனால் இங்கு நான் பார்த்த அன்பும் , கற்ற பாடங்களும் நிறைய. அம்மாவிற்கு பிறகு தொடங்கிய இந்த காலம் இதை…. "இதுவும் நண்மைக்கே" என என்மனம் ஏறத்தாழ ஒப்புக்கொண்டுவிட்டது.

அம்மாவை பற்றி எழுத நினைத்தேன். இங்கு வழி மாறி மாமாவை பற்றிய புராணமே வந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது! காரணம் இல்லாமல் இல்லை. எஞ்சியுள்ள வாழ்வில் நான் அவருக்கு பட்ட கடணை அடைக்க முடியாது, எண்ணியாவது பார்க்கிறேன். நான் கொண்டிருக்கும் அன்பு கைமாறக தோன்றுவது, என்றுமே அவர் காட்டுவதை விடவும் தாழ்ந்தது தான். என் தாய்மாமன் பெருமை சொல்லி புரிவதற்க்கில்லை,  உரிமை கொண்டாடுவதை தவிர அன்பு காட்டிட எனக்கு வேறொரு வழியுமில்லை.

சின்னஞ்சிறு வயதில் எது சரி எது தவறு ஏன திட்டவட்டமாய் கூற தெரிந்தது. அப்பா செய்தது தவறு என்று உறுதியாய் நம்பிய காலம் ஒன்று இருந்தது. ஆனால் வயது கூட கூட, அந்த கோடுகள் மெல்ல அழிய தொடங்கி விட்டன. தன் வாழ்க்கை என்ன என்பதை ஒவ்வொருத்தருமே தேர்வு செய்துகொள்ளும் சுதந்திரம் உண்டு. ஆக இதில் நானும் அக்காவும் இல்லாத வாழ்க்கையை, என் அப்பாவேதான் தேர்வு செய்திருகிறார். ஆனால் எந்த நிலையிலும் எங்களை அவர் உதறவில்லை, நாங்களாகவே தான் விலகி நின்றோம். அதன் காயங்களை அவர் சுமக்க, எங்கள் வடுக்களை நாங்கள் சுமக்கிறோம். காலம் இந்த காயங்களை மெதுவே ஆற வைத்திருக்கிறது. இந்நாளில் வயதின் முதிர்ச்சியால், வாழ்கையை பற்றிய கண்ணோட்டம் சற்றே மாறியும் இருக்கிறது. சுற்றும் முற்றும் மனிதர்கள் வாழும் வாழ்க்கை முறைகளை பார்க்கையில், பெரிய கோட்டின் அருகே சிறிய கோடாய் நான் பட்டது அவ்வளவு மோசமாகவும் தெரியவில்லை.  தூக்கம் வராத பல இரவுகளில் நெருடலுடன் என்னை நானே கேட்டு கொள்ளும் கேள்வி. “தவறாகவே இருக்கட்டும், அப்பாவை மன்னிக்கும் மனப்பக்குவம் வந்துவிட்டதா?”… மனதார சொல்வேன் “ஆம்” என்று.

Favorite Actor Duos

Guys have a lot of time for useless things and one such thing that I did was to make note of the movies that I watched and to give them ratings. Now it looks like a mini SMDB…. Srini’s movie database! :) The leisurely hobby continued for so long and now it’s been over a 1000 flicks (not inclusive of Indian movies). Just like every movie lover I started of with action, thrillers and comedy. But over the years the taste has changed; back then classics like Casablanca or Lawrence of Arabia was a tiresome watch. I always had to hold on to the remote and be ready with the forward button!! There was no conversation for so long. But these days, things seem to have changed. Cannes or Academy nominations make a lot more sense to me.


Choosing a good movie was such a tough ask. Having so many out there, I really don’t want to waste my time watching a crap. I would rather spend some time reading the plot, review and also ensure that it has a good rating. But you can’t do that always… !! We do miss the suspense factor, right?? There is a whole lot of a difference in knowing or not knowing if this is gonna be a great movie. So how nice it would be to walk in and just watch your favorites director or star's flick. Not worrying about the plot or how good the movie is, just watch it for the directing excellence or for the actor’s presence. Here are few of those actors that I would watch without a question. The Legendary duos, as I call


De Niro- Al Pacino

Who wouldn’t adore the young Don and Michael corleone?? A few guys would love at least one, but for the rest (most) of us just love them both. They have had a remarkable start with ‘The Godfather’ and have come a long way since then. For time and again they have made a lasting impression with some awe-inspiring performances. The insanity of power in ‘Scarface’ or a conceited blind man in ‘Scent of a woman’ the Italian does nothing less than perfect. Not every actor looks great when they show off anger. But for al pacino, he has always carried an angry man’s charm! The one thing that makes him special.


To me, the only worthy comparison of his times is Robert De niro. I would even watch a whole movie to just see his cameo. The raw emotions of a boxer in “Raging bull” or a fiery gangster in “The untouchables”, he has set clear benchmarks for the new age actors to learn! But luckily he has been a Scorsese hero and clearly has some unfair advantage :) All the eight movies that they have worked together are one of its kind and a few the greatest of all times. Wish Di Caprio could keep up those standards and does a good job as a Scorsese Hero!


Sharukh – Aamir

Unlike an actor duo like before, I would rather call this is an Actor-Star duo. Now don’t question if this is worth a pick after talking about the previous pair. We cherish what we have and these stars are special in their own way! No Hollywood actor can act, dance, fight and entertain Indian audience! :) Even Jackie chan stepped down to Kamal on that grounds. We do have some great actors. Not to mention who is the better actor here, Aamir surpasses the feet by a long way. But despite the fact, sharukh has reached the pinnacle of stardom. Though we wish to see more of his acting like in ‘Chak de’ and ‘Swades’, he guarantees a movie with some awesome entertainment. 


On the other hand Aamir has evolved a lot from a sweet lover boy to a visionary to Indian film. With ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ and ‘Rang de basanti’, he has made it to the status of a living idol to the young bloods in north India. Daring to experiment more than any other star, evident in his directorial debut "Tare Zameen Par". I never understood a Hindi film better, without knowing Hindi!! :) And after watching the movie, I walked away with a heavy heart and also noticed that everyone walked out the same way.  Like everyone wanted a teacher who would have changed their lives! And I wonder if anyone else could bring such an effect with a happy ending climax.


Rajini – Kamal

Kamal once said ‘Devar Magan’ without Sivaji would have been soulless! And to me… Tamil cinema without Kamal is just the same. There wouldn’t be one soul that wasn’t moved by his performances. Fifty years of acting and he’s still not tired! No actor has been here for so long with as many milestones. The peak of all was ‘Nayagan’. A Tamil movie in the Time 100 is just more than a Oscar to us!! And he is the complete meaning for versatility when it comes to movie making. An actor, dancer, lyricist, director, writer and I don’t think there is a department where he hasn’t had his hands on.


Finally… coming on to ‘Thalaivar’. Its so hard to put it in words the adulation and love we have for him. We forget reality and get sublimed to his on screen presence and charisma. No matter what he does we would watch with our jaws open, a gift that only he enjoys! If anyone else does his crazy stunts, we would tear the screens apart! :)  But not for him, not for Rajnikanth! Because in Popular Tamil Culture, he is more than just an actor. He has been a phenomenon of my time. I really lost count of watching ‘’Thalapathi”, but for sure its over a hundred!! Yet most people don’t recognize his acting skills to this date. Wish they watch ‘Mullum Malarum’ before criticizing anymore. He is an all capable actor who shed his true color just to entertain the masses. And he has successfully done it for decades. Even at his age, kids fantasize him in the recent Shankar films. There are superstars all over the history but not anyone is on par to his die-hard fan following. The only thing we regret about him is the false hopes he set on politics! Except for that he is flawless as an ‘entertainer’.

Feel Home

We close our eyes and see a picture of friends and family in our best times. The picture stays so long and its a bitter pill to accept the reality. It’s so hard for us to see the changes of life as they happen. Girls get married; Guys are chasing careers in the Metros or Overseas. There are literally none of our buddies back in our hometowns. Each one lives in a different part of the world. Things seem to gradually fade as they rarely get in touch with us. But as friends we are not meant to demand but understand each other!! Everyone goes through those phases and we are in each other’s shoes sometime.

But what is it to our Dad’s and Mom’s at home?? Err… they said all is well the last time I spoke to them; in fact they say it every time I speak to them! So was this the way when we were back at home? NO, not really. Something somewhere goes wrong every now and then. Unfortunate events happen. Parents get sick, Siblings meet with accidents and Relatives are dead! We wouldn’t know what’s really happening as they don’t want us to know all of it. Because be it New York or Bangalore, we are just not with them and they are too cautious about saying anything that worries us. It continues for years as we keep chasing our career and aspirations so hard and by the end of it we have to regret for leaving our families behind.


Diwali, Christmas or Ramzan is just another day in all our lives now. Not everyone knows the struggle of calculating every dime and minute to make a trip back home! Visa status, vacation leave, project deadline, graduation, summer elective what not? Life seems to get busy and we forget our regular calls, miss weddings, funerals, anniversaries and birthdays. And all that takes is just a “Sorry” to move on. But in most times it’s quite hard to understand what the people at home go through. Depending on the kind of relationship, we seldom try to make an effort to make them feel better. 

So finally I get to those NRI’s (Non-returning Indians).  A lot of them have made a decision to stay out of their home country even before they stepped in their foreign lands. That’s awesome!! Thanks to Hollywood and western music!! A handful is able to see a home away from home too. Now what does that supposed to mean??? I don’t buy it. The morning bed coffee, the affection when they served my breakfast, the care when I got sick, a casual talk at the dinner table, the open mockery at each other, the laughter with hearts out, dropping my little sis at school to see her wave, chatting for long hours with uncle, taking aunt to the temple, driving my bike in the lonely nights, the useless hours with buddies at "beach" and a lot more is needed to make me feel home! So now I’ve got to either envy them for being able to make a home anywhere they live or pity them for having forgotten what a real home feels like.

Guess a few would start grudging now :) So I better stick with ‘Envy’. But the point is spare a thought on things that matter the most. There’s more to life than just a career. There are things that could make us regret later in our life. After all life doesn’t have a rewind button!

The not so “People's Republic”

The Great Wall of China is a perfect symbol for China, for one reason. It stands tall and high but the world wouldn’t know how many lives went under it.  Guess I need a disclaimer now :) I have nothing personal against the country or its people. In fact I admire it as one of the greatest civilization and for its great tradition and history. But for a long time, the Tibetan story has been telling a different story to the world. There is a sense that an ordinary Tibetan doesn’t live a usual life like the rest of us! 

Happen to watch ‘Kundun’, an other masterpiece from Scorsese. The story revolves around the 14^th Dalai Lama from his childhood to the time when he fled Tibet. He’s now on his exile and it’s been over 50 years since he saw his motherland.  I dug a little more into some of his interviews and a few documentaries. The situation has been worse at times and broke an uprising in Tibet. The most recent was the 2008 riots. But unfortunately we would never know what really happened because the foreign media, even those form Honk Kong were not allowed to enter the region. And quite obviously the domestic media has widely downplayed the scene!

The people have gone through tragic phases in their lives right from the times of the Chinese invasion. Monastery’s were bombed, Monks were killed, people were made to fornicate on the streets. Children were handed guns and were made to kill their parents! So all this just seems to be happening over and over in all parts of the world. But for different reasons! Now there is no point in pitying the Chinese for the Nanking massacre. The Japanese did it to the Chinese and now the Chinese do it to the Tibetans! 

“Religion is poison” - Mao

I don’t know how many people will agree to that. But that’s what the tyrant had to say to the Dalai Lama! We can setup a separate debate and not reach any consensus on this subject. But to me he might be a great statesman, politician, philosopher or whatever. It all makes no sense when he doesn’t show a little compassion to a fellow human being and show some respect to the religious sentiments of a community. Now after all these years, the entire struggle stands not for obtaining independence! All that they ask for is the military troops to be withdrawn and to be honored with a complete autonomy.

The world looks up to CHINA when they showcase all their might in the Olympics or when they pull off to become the world’s second largest economy. But all that couldn’t take them far enough. After all that they have done to the people of Tibet and to its own they wouldn’t really sustain even if they happen to become a super power. The world has seen enough history of what happened to countries that ruled its people on a gunpoint. Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin all led their countries to the peak just to bring them the greatest downfall. But unlike a single dictator, things are a little different here. Yet if the government continues to do what it does, there would be a new addition to the list of bygone eras! Probably in the next century china would be remembered as a land of great tradition, that lost all its color to become blood red, of the communist party. Just like what happened to Germany and Russia!!

The country’s ban has gone from freedom of speech, Internet/ Media content, Facebook, Twitter, Movies to a lot more. The latest was Time travel movies! Crazy isn't it? The government fears that the people would have nostalgia about their good old times if they were influenced by the movies! So they already know that their rule is a nightmare! Now there is literally no point for us even if the people cry with their larynx out!

So what is it that the Chinese government doesn’t realize? Of course it has done a commendable job in improving the lives of an ordinary citizen but the price that they have asked them to pay is quite high. Freedom is just as important as food, water, clothing and shelter to every human. So a common question arises to all of us. Is this the only way to treat the citizens to become progressive? Well… not really. The US, Australia, Japan and the countries from the EU have proved us otherwise. It might not be a perfect comparison especially with the size and population of china. But then all are humans and I guess that’s just enough to think of common grounds. A loaf of bread is as important to a Chinese as it is to a American! A better tomorrow awaits china and hope the 'Sun rises again in Tibet'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qx17F9_S3s

A Tale of Two Cities

Goa, The Sin City

Late in the midnight, an open top gypsy was speeding with the six of us. The road was deserted in the arid lands of Goa and Prabu was proving himself to be the greatest driver on the planet! Of course he was the greatest, especially with that condition of the jeep and the guys.. No one can question that! And moreover he was the one who was so convinced that we need an open top jeep for this trip! (Dil Chahta Hai effect….) With the sunny weather we were fuming and giving him a glare. But finally we realized that it was the best choice we made and that opened up the whole world for us!

 One after the other was going crazy among us. Renil was the hardest to control. You got to watch him getting ‘Senti’ at times, which is usually leaps and bounds out of the world :) But it was always true from his heart, something you could never find from a friend you just happen to make for some purpose! Here everyone reacts in a unique way…  Mohan has his own!  He starts abusing every thing on earth, you, me, the traffic cop, his ex teammate, life, the road or even the jeep! You don’t even need an introduction. He could start abusing you right away without reasons and he really enjoys talking the MEN’s language. So guys better don’t mess with him :) Kishore, the godfather to us was uttering one thing over and over again  “மச்சான் கொழப்பிக்கிச்சு ”!! :)  So we treated it as the codeword and used as filler between conversations!! Karthi was still guilty about his uselessness. Even if he was about to forgive himself, we didn’t let him to. At last that’s what we friends are meant for, right? 

And these are those people, who I wish to stay the same way for the rest of my life. Quite possible because its already been 20 years and we are still counting…How could we stick together so well forgetting the rest of the world? The reason is simple. The expectations are minimal. And eventhat minimal is to just drop a call once in a while, inform each other when we are back in town. Simple and easy right…. Just stay in touch!! We just enjoy each other’s presence; we forget distances, career, beliefs or even personal likings! Every one of these buddies is part of my larger than life! Could sound a little exaggerated but its really worth it!!

The whole trip was not planned to perfection, we shouldn’t have taken the train for both ways, the accommodation and cab was screwed up as well, we didn’t really have a perfect itinerary. But nothing could stop the fun. Out of the three days, the fun was like an outburst on the last day night. Unforgettable for the rest of my life. Because there were simply “NO RULES”. That sensation releases anyone from a pressure cooker life! We did feel the real meaning of freedom and Goa would remain special to me for that reason! Don’t have to clock 9 hours of work, wear a tie in summer, prepare for appraisal, play politics, and work overtime. The city showed us life in two flavors… a beach life and a night life!

So here we are, roaming in the middle of the night to grab a bite. Actually something interesting happened just before we started off from the room. We had played “Truth or Dare”. Thanks to Kishore, we never really knew that such a game existed. The game follows turns where everyone had to speak about the plus and minuses about one guy at a time, a little different from the original. This was the first time after all those years, we spent time hearing about our self from the words of our best buddies! In our life, we wouldn’t give a s*** if someone criticizes us. But at the same time, there are a few people who can twist your arm to stop you do something. I have those people and I’m one of them… I would even break a bone like my birthright, if my guys smoke that extra cigarette! It was a great time for us to look into ourselves. But unfortunately we just heard about 3 and the rest would wait for the next trip :) Probably the wait is for the rest of our guys who weren’t able to make it this time. Lets do it again in Bangkok :)

Varanasi, The Holy City

Would anyone want to go to both these places on a same vacation? I know it’s like wearing a Hawaii shirt with a dhoti. But I did :) and believe me...  seeing both extremes of life was an awesome experience. The day I came home for a month’s vacation, my uncle already had his plans.  He asked me to check for travel tickets to Lucknow – Allahabad - Ayodhya – Varanasi! Almost half the family had already taken off for the trip couple of days back while uncle had second thoughts about my granny travelling so much with her health condition. But luckily we did make it together! I had already planned for Goa with friends but would never miss a chance to be with the family!

Travelling for the spiritual experience I understood that we really need a neutral perspective. As for the people in South India, its so hard at the beginning to get a focus or experience in the north.  Because for them the spiritual experience is everywhere around, its in the rivers, mountains, forests and even those lands that were mentioned in the holy texts. But for us, as part of a different custom we need a temple structure and a proper deity to really get that focus. The huge temple complexes were only built in our region! Srirangam, Madurai Meenakshi Amman, Thanjai Periya Kovil all of them shows us a grandeur after which we don’t have too much of a chance to keep our minds wandering elsewhere. I was happy that travel induces new understanding from the various cultures and lifestyle of people.

Chitrakuta a few hours drive from lucknow, has a cave where Ram-Sita are believed to have lived for years! The place has immense significance in Ramayana and depicts that those were their memorable days. The Triveni Sangam at Allahabad is the confluence of Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati. The place is famous for the Kumbha Mela that happens once in every 12 years. Ayodhya, the Ram janmabhoomi was a guarded fortress with so many militants around. Imagined for a moment that  in those ages it would have been guarded the same way. The only difference is that, in those days they were to protect the life of the king and today it’s to protect the people! This place has seen enough bloodshed in the name of religion, thankfully not any more!

Finally the ancient city of Varanasi. A place that every hindu wants to visit in his lifetime. Guess I was a little early but I really wanted to visit the place for too many reasons. One of the most influential was the curiosity to see the end of life from their eyes! So many rituals and prayers were offered all along the riverbed of Ganges. Hopes and outcry of those thousands were lingering in my mind! The movie ‘Naan kadavul’ had left some impact as well. I wished that I bumped into some Aghori.  But all that I managed was just to see a different kind of man-eater. A stray dog was coming my way with a half burnt arm. Only for a moment it was so disgusting and horrific. But then I realized if this is its food for today, what’s wrong in it? Try to be a little rational on both sides, if some of our fellow beings have eaten dog’s meat, why shouldn’t the dog eat ours?? Atleast the dog didn't kill for its lunch today! Could sound absurd, but to me, when ever people say rational thinking….  this is the level I expect it to be.

I walked a little and saw the last rituals of the dead. I kept watching the scene, as more and more dead bodies were burned in the steps closer to the river. The buildings nearby were pitch dark, wonder how many lives it would have taken to get that color! My mind was picking up only the sounds of those mantras as I kept watching the end to a soulless body.  That was the time I heard a calling….. not from God but from my sister :)  It was getting late and I had to leave.  The river was flowing peacefully in its usual gentle rhythm as I walked away with a heavy heart.

"ஒரு வெருமையோடு... "

The Endless Puzzle

There are so many questions left unanswered in all our years of life. Out of which the most complicated and the most fundamental one, leaves a void in our minds even on a deathbed. What is the purpose of creation? Well…. to really understand the depth of this simple question you need to go back and forth a few billion light years. A tree of complicated questions follows through and this opens up an even bigger puzzle, for which we neither see the start nor the end.

An answer to a question leads to another. Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we heading? Why was the universe created?  What was it before the big bang? How did life begin on earth? Was it all just an accident? Why does life exists in the numerous forms around us? How long would this continue? Is there really a fate that drives us? What is good and bad? Why do we humans suffer so much in life?  What happens to us after death? Is there a GOD? And a lot more of such questions arise everyday. There wouldn’t be one sane mind that didn’t think about any of this. While half the world is too busy with their daily lives, the other half tries to understand it and luckily a handful gets to realize it.

Even those few people who knew things better than me gave one common answer once the discussion got intense and bizarre. “You have to experience it”. That was the most annoying answer for a long time. And I was wondering, if someone was able to understand it, why can’t I??!!  But here, the tough part from their perception is something like this. Trying to explain E=mc2 to a pet dog. Crazy right?? Of course, your dog can understand a few expressions and commands. But expecting it to understand your physics lesson is just like expecting someone to understand creation in a few words. So am I just like a dog trying to understand the entire Creation? Seeing the size and complexity of it, the answer is definitely a “YES”

So I’m one of your fellow dogs, wanting to go from knowing to realizing. And the intention is to give a hand along the way. This doesn’t mean that I know everything on earth but I know much enough to answer few of my questions. Something somewhere in this could help you probe into it. The few links in the page is one way to get deeper insights.

And…  where do we start??? We start from you. Go on to question everything, know the answers and finally attempt to realize. Questioning is easy and knowing is possible but realizing is quite uncommon. Since the first and last is out of my reach, the only thing we could talk about is the ‘knowing’. There have been pages and pages written about this and there is more to come. But now we need to draw a boundary of what needs to be known, because I’m not writing a book on this anyway. :)  So all that’s in the discussion comes under the following three… Science, Spirituality and finally the larger picture.

Science

We start with science, as we already have the basics of it and that’s going to be the ABC for our answers. We don’t understand greek and latin  to explore mythology, so we start with what we have. “Stephen Hawking” by far the greatest scientist of our times has reached the pinnacle of theoretical science and CERN has reached the frontier for practical scientific experiments. You would have come across the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) a few years back. 

But all of this goes just over our heads beyond a certain point. And for me it was out of proportions and definitely beyond the scope of our understanding. No matter how hard I try, I wasn’t able to grasp it after the first 10 pages of  Hawking's works! Anything out of high school physics is too much for us and that’s the way we are. So I was badly in need of some great storytelling that could introduce Newton and Einstein in a better way. Fortunately, I did happen to get a layman’s version called the elegant universe. To me it was the closest to complete answer from modern day science.  It gave a clear picture of how unification is seen as the holy grail of science but still not in reach.

There is literally No Answer. While string theory is the only possible solution for a “theory of everything”, experimental proof cannot be deduced. Every law of science breaks at Singularity. There is no clue of what happens to matter once it is sucked by a black hole. 17 years of LHC and the work is a failure! So finally science leaves us unanswered to the most fundamental but just has managed to give us everything else to ease our lives!

Spirituality

"The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you."
— Werner Heisenberg

Every one of you is already sticking to a belief system. It’s so hard for us shed our faiths and belief’s to start it all over. But one thing that we could be certain is about the existence of some unknown powers in the ancient times. The ideology is not flawed due to one reason; the ideas are not just based on the holy texts and scriptures. But with the mysteries lying all around us. The pyramids, the discovery of a solar system, the radiation levels at kurukshetra are things that give us a sense that human race once had a possession that's lost today.

Between science and spirituality, you could too often see a lot of parallels. "The Tao of physics" was useful in drawing those parallels. From the cosmic dance of shiva to the vibrant mantras of Buddhism, it explained it all. When they said the universe is made of tiny strands of vibrating strings, we already had a term called ‘Nadhabrahmam’. The word ‘Anu’ meaning atom was in use by us for ages! Spiritual practices in India need time and effort to be understood! Unfortunately there are superstitions too; hence leaving us the trouble of identifying the odd one out.

The Vedhas, Puranas and Upanishads have seen so much criticism in the past decades. And trying to resolve the conflict would take us nowhere. On the other hand, people are practicing yoga across the world.  So at last we have something that we can see in our experience. The word yoga means union. The soul could either unify with ‘brahmam’ or completely isolate from it. We have numerous practices among which ‘Kundalini’ is seen as the epitome. A serpent of desire resting at the tip of your spine can be brought alive all the way upto the 7^th chakra of your body. One possible end of this is the ‘Kaivalya’, the ultimate peace/isolation. It helps you avoid the cycle of birth and death. The practice is supposed to be outlawed in a different tradition as it is seen as a temporary state of peace.  Just like skipping a few games and you would anyway return back to this cycle.

‘Accept the pain’ - Buddha

So what is the permanent way? I realized that I have one at last. It may or may not be your cup of tea and even more than that you have to struggle to get it out of your own. We as humans never value something when there is no struggle... right? :) Every religion on earth has its version and you have the liberty to choose your own and explore your inner self.

The larger picture

It’s just an instinct to understand that an answer is hidden within the question.   We sense clarity because we are able to relate the answer to the ideas that we already carried. The answer  lies within us as bits and pieces. Someone helps us just co-relate all of them. Or probably give a missing piece, to give the complete the answer.

"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice." - Einstein

The design of the system is something beyond the explanation of science. Do I really control my life or my destiny does? There has been enough debate on this but the answer is both. Imagine you teaching chess for the first time to your kid. As the game progresses, you let him make his moves but you still have the control on him. To me, god does just the same. It’s a puppet show but we gain a rational mind over time to act independently. But why was I picked for the show? That's another complex story of ‘Karma’ , possibly the only answer.

The strangeness of this captive independence is just like our universe, it’s both balanced and uncertain. But how could there be balance when there is uncertainty? Weird but that’s the design of the universe. There is a smooth and orderly fabric of space-time at the cosmic level but a total chaos and uncertainty at the quantum level.

Our Human brain is bound to limitations and anything that is boundless doesn’t really come into our understanding, so does GOD. The creator and creation are boundless and a complete understanding of creation is impossible with our present state. Only a burning desire of wanting to know would take us the distance.

My understanding of Love

Seeing the title, I was afraid if this would turn out to be a confession note. But that would be boring for people, especially Divya. Because for my last post she said “Life is already depressing and why do you add more to it?” Very true, so I decided to give a shot and take this test. I wanted to think of something nice and sweet and the first thing that came to my mind was Love.

My understanding of love has changed over the changing phases of time. Because unfortunately like the millions of kids in this generation, a lot of ideas revolve around movies and so does LOVE. Since movies tend to be an easy analogy, I pick three movies that closely portrayed my idea over the years. Here we go...

Mouna Raagam

I was a seven or eight year kid when I got the first impression. Now I could hear you saying ‘u little brat…’ :) Anyway I vaguely remember that it left a deep impact due to one reason. It was one of the few Video Cassettes that was lying in my granny’s place and on a summer vacation my aunts and cousins watched it over and over until it was worn out.

But I didn’t really understand a lot in the movie that time, in fact even now. Why should Revathy go out for a coffee if she doesn’t like Karthik? How could she fall for him even after he said ‘I love you’ from a principal’s mic? At any cost how could she marry someone when she really didn’t want to? After marriage why was she so arrogant to her husband? Finally why did she change her mind to live with him? If anyone can answer any of those I’m grateful to them! But this was my first understanding of women. They are complicated and hard to be understood.

On the other hand I was so impressed with Karthik. He was like a gutsy dynamite who lived his life and it made a lots of sense to me. Running after the girl he loved, cooking up a story to take her out of class, daring to call the girl’s dad for coffee, trying to change his whole lifestyle for this girl. Everything was simple and easy. Wish Mani sir didn’t let him die. But I forgive him for his need of twist and turns in the script. Likewise Mohan was not a tough one either, he loved his wife no matter what she did. So is this easy for an eight year old to understand? Well Dads love moms even after all those quarrels and days of silence at home, don’t they? 

Alaipayuthey

This was at the age of 15 and for me this is the best love story of my time. Days after the movie was released, I was hearing more about the hero rather than the movie. Girls were going gaga over him and I was too curious to watch it right away. The screenplay was confusing to my low IQ brain. Shuffling past and present didn’t seem like a great idea for me. Funny isn’t it?  How would the director react if I had passed this criticism by then? That’s how many of the movie reviewers write these days.

Coming back to love, by this time I understood better and like every teenager I believed that I was matured enough and that’s why everything seemed to be in my experience. Guys rounding up the streets on a bike next to the girls’ door, giving out blank calls, running all the way down to her medical camp, the secret wedding with friends all around, a half done apartment with just the two of us, every little thing was fascinating like a teenage dream.

But there was a missing piece of information even now. Why did they fight and quarrel so bad in just a few months after marriage? Weren’t they the same pair who broke with their families to live together? After all that they had gone through,  this would be the worst nightmare they could have “Days of prolonged silence”. This was so bitter and I decided not to take it seriously and for that the only convincing idea that I had was, not every couple face it. But you very well know the reality.

VTV

There were many expectations for this movie for two reasons. Gautam had given“Vaaranam Aaiyram” before this and that had already set a benchmark for him. We were even more curious for another reason. Why on earth did he pick Simbhu for this movie??  He completely held a different image and definitely was the last person you could think as Gautam menon’s hero! But the movie broke all those pre-conceived notions and was really unique in its own way. The story was ordinary; the screenplay was not pacey; the music was an experiment with asynchronous notes; the hero is not seen as the greatest of actors. All this when seen separately would sound terrible. But there was magic in the director’s hands to craft this with all his strange ingredients.

How could someone really break up in an SMS?? Really this is too weird and cinematic for those people beyond their thirty’s. But this is how my generation works. I even have a friend who said his love affair to his dad on a SMS. I was awe struck and took days to digest that! But if this is the information age, this is how we would be heading right? Gone are the days when lovers stood behind a pillar and scratched the paint all the way to open up their affair to their parents.

What kind of impact this movie can leave in you? It clearly brought the lives of the larger audience to the silver screen! There was a whole bunch of real life hero’s who said to me that the story was just like his own. Not so strange, because you could have seen someone say that to you too! I was getting crazy over time and asked them how many of you loved a Mallu Christian girl?  But actually this defined the success of the movie.

“Why Jessie when there are so many girls out in this world?” No one could find an answer to that question in their real lives. Why did I pick this girl/guy? How could someone walk out of my life instantly while they took months to walk in? Is there a difference between love and lust? And finally is it really worth it? (Like Ganesh asks). To me parents or society doesn’t really have their say when lovers have decided what they want. So you are the one who decides whether to leave heartbreaks or rose blossoms!

The Most Dangerous Animal

There are different kinds of people all around. We see it in our experience and so does the world, through all of its history! The human mind is so fond of classifying and segregating things. So I wanted to figure out how would I classify humans?  There are those hundreds of sects based on race, ethnicity, caste, creed and IQ already, so do I really want to add more to the crap? I thought there is more sense in my version than most others, so here it is…

The first is someone who enjoys brutality.  Not a great start, but these are the specimens we are more worried about! Ever wondered what would be running through the heads of a terrorist or a militant when he’s doing a war crime? Probably not, that’s because we don’t have an experience of seeing that person in our life. The mother or child getting killed, the wife or sister being sexually abused is the last thing on earth one could think of. The power and control of holding a gun and being on a winning side gives him all! And someone rightly termed the human as ‘the most dangerous animal’.

The second is someone who fights for life in Downtrodden Africa or Asia. Ever thought about life in Somalia or Uganda? He sees misfortunes in all shapes and sizes and that sucks out everything out of his life. Death happens everyday from malnutrition, disease, famine and war. Incapable of lifting up his spirit from birth to death, he fades away in the flow of time.

The third is someone who was born in the US or EU by some destiny and rarely gets to understand the worst of human sufferings. Ever seen a guy in your next cubicle whining all day about increased taxes, falling stock prices or a missed increment? At times we could envy them for living in that small space with no windows and for their ability to completely shut them off from the rest of the world.

So the fourth and final is someone who has seen both the worlds! But lucky for them and unfortunate for the world, they get to make a choice. There is one, who chooses to give it back to the society.  But the other more prevalent and the most infamous is “lost among the crowds”. People don’t want to look back for the fear of breaking down, the fear of falling back or the fear of seeing pain! I am no exception and I was afraid to watch those aftermaths of a war. Probably every one of us wants to keep away from those scenes as much as we can, just to avoid the emotional dilemma. But at last I did.

A little child screams in fear lying on a shallow trench along with a group of civilians as the Lankan Army keeps firing the bombshells.  An elderly woman with a bloodshed kid in her arm cries, ”What did the kid do to deserve this???”  A medical volunteer witnesses a bombing and pieces of flesh gets scattered all over the hospital walls. Naked bodies of men and women, blood spilled over the fields, refugee camps and hospitals shattered! Though I realize that it’s so hard for one to shed away the pride of culture and race for the sake of being human! Now wait a minute, did I say being human?? So that's more complicated. What is human?

Try to forget for a while that you are a Tamilian or a Sinhalese or whichever race you are. At the end of the day this is a failure of humanity, the governments, the UN, each and every individual! The value of human life depends on where you are. And how fair is life to you? If you were born in Manhattan and landed up with a job in the Twin Towers, your death would be revenged in 10 years. And if you are a common man in Iraq who happen to die in the war, then probably never! 2800 lives ended in the 9/11 attacks and that was showcased like the end of the world. So what about the 100,000 in Iraq and 40,000 in Sri Lanka? Indeed the 9/11 was horrific but a whole nation looked up for the event and erupted with joy as Obama announced the death of Bin Laden. But do we really care for those thousands of innocent lives lost everywhere else in the world?

  

Getting rid of UN officials before the war, promising a no fire zone and shattering the hospitals, neglecting food, water and medicine for refugees. All of this may or may not be speculated. But all that stands in our hearts are the tears and bloodshed's. Neither the LTTE nor the Lankan government could defend their stand by making heaps of dead bodies to fly their flags high. There have been more deaths in wars than in natural disasters! Hence leaving us with more fundamental things to worry about, more than global warming or natural calamities.

Forget those ifs and buts’ said before and think for one last moment ‘What if…  I was born in any of these countries?’ A lot depends on where you are born and where you dwell so if you believe in rebirths, start your prayers today.  For all those atheists who blame it on GOD… u know what? “F*** you” and for all those theists who try to give an explanation for these deaths… u know what? “F*** you too”. I had a second thought here but for a lack of better word to all my frustration, disappointment and incapability, this sounds better!

Happen to remember these lines

“பரதேசம் வாழுகின்ற அப்பாவி மனிதரை 
பலகாரம் செய்துண்டதும் 
பிள்ளையின் கறியுண்டு 
நம்பினார்க்கு அருளிடும் பரிவான பரபிரம்மனே”